(Ok yeah that is satire courtesy of the bored folks at 236.com but still pretty darn accurate.)

A dead bear was found dumped this morning on the Western Carolina University campus, draped with a pair of Obama campaign signs, university police said.

Maintenance workers reported about 7:45 a.m. finding a 75-pound bear cub dumped at the roundabout near the Catamount statute at the entrance to campus, said Tom Johnson, chief of university police.

“It looked like it had been shot in the head as best we can tell. A couple of Obama campaign signs had been stapled together and stuck over its head,” Johnson said.

Two supporters of Democratic presidential candidate Barack Obama found handwritten death threats in their mailboxes Thursday and reported them to Villa Park police.

A 74-year-old woman and a 46-year-old man with Obama signs in their front yards near the 600 block of South Villa Avenue received similar letters that had a Villa Park Village Hall return address. "Get the Obama signs off your property—now," the letter reads. "Failure to obey this order will result in the immediate death of all family members." Both residents said they will not remove their signs, though the man, who had voted Republican for 25 years before switching parties this year, said his wife is worried about letting their 7-year-old son play alone outside.

Someone slashed the tires of at least 30 vehicles parked outside the Crown Coliseum on Sunday during a rally for Democratic presidential candidate Barack Obama, authorities said.

Sheriff’s deputies are investigating. The tires were cut while people were inside the Crown Coliseum listening to speeches, said Maj. E. Wright of the Cumberland County Sheriff’s Office. Many of the damaged vehicles were parked on Wilkes Road. Representatives from Obama and Sen. John McCain’s campaigns said they were unaware of the acts.

Susan Lagana, the North Carolina communications director for Obama, said it was extremely disappointing and unfortunate that “people would have to experience something like that.” Mario Diaz, communications director for McCain, did not respond to a call late Sunday.

Sarah Revis, who lives on Wilkes Road, said the slashed tires left several women, including a single mother and a toddler, stranded and upset. At least four tow trucks were sent to move the vehicles from the Crown, Revis said.

“This is an embarrassment to this city and to me as a citizen,” Revis said. “I’ve seen women out here crying and men cussing. This is a crying shame.”

This is a person running for office who has been confronted with an uncomfortable and inconvenient fact and her response to that is to look into the camera and lie to you enthusiastically and repeatedly. I know I'm not supposed to use that particular "L" word, the "liar" word in politics. It's considered impolite. But sometimes, the most important thing you need to know about a politician is the frequency and enthusiasm and skill with which they lie to you.

Saying a politician is a prevaricating, mendacious truth-stretcher or whatever other thesaurus words we can come up with for lying is just far less efficient than calling a lie a lie, and a liar a liar.
-- Rachel Maddow

America is set to dump the party that’s hosted the past seven years, and the GOP brain trust is aware that polling data suggesting a close presidential race is wildly inaccurate. Pollsters can’t contact the cell phones of all those Obama-loving younger voters who don’t own landlines (the only ones pollsters are allowed to call). Those members of the youthful demographic who are being surveyed prefer Obama by 20 plus points. The very poor (primed to actually vote this time) and the highly educated (also strongly Obama) are likewise less reachable by telephone. --Jim Catano, City Weekly 9/4/08

A fiery encore to the Magna municipal fireworks display Friday that burned 50 acres and caused $250,000 in damage was technically the fault of the company staging the show although the firm was not negligent, according to the results of a Unified Fire Authority investigation.

UFA spokesman Ben Sharer said investigators found "hundreds" of spent fireworks casings in the field, owned by the Kennecott Co., across from Magna Park, near 8400 West and State Route 201. Sharer said that although the blaze appears to have been caused by the casings, which were apparently carried into the field by high, upper-level winds on Friday night, there is no cause to believe the display company was negligent.

The company was issued a permit for the show after passing a UFA inspection and providing proof of a $1 million liability insurance policy. Sharer said UFA fire inspectors found the company's safety preparations prior to the show had "exceeded regulations."

The fire was brought under control by UFA firefighters, with help from Rocky Mountain Raceway, Kennecott employees and nearby residents. Sharer said the lack of water access in the area required fire crews to utilize water-tender trucks to battle the blaze. Equipment was brought in by both the raceway and Kennecott to aid UFA crews.

No homes or large structures were threatened by the blaze, though a small shed and multiple power poles, all Kennecott-owned, were consumed by the fire.
--Deseret News, July 7, 2008

Here's the gist from someone who was there. It was not windy on the ground. About 5-6 minutes into the show, a really high top-wind took a crackling waterfall shell off its trajectory and blew it across SR 201 where it burst too low to the ground. The crackling tails did not burn out before they hit the ground and ignited the dry grass. I was standing behind the shooting table, spotting, when I saw it hit the ground. The fire had spread to a nearby tree by the time I had booked it to the UFA fire marshal at the other side of the field. He said "well, its already lit, might as well keep shooting unless something else heads that direction," so the show continued. I stood with the fire marshal for the rest of the show and nothing else went awry. By the time our show was done, the fire had engulfed power poles, transformers and was headed toward a small pumphouse. It was still burning when we finished cleaning up and headed back to the shop hours later.

Final tally:
6 power poles
+ 6 transformers
+ 1 pumphouse/shed
+ 50 acres of stick lizard homes
= $300,000